Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams. Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.
It was the fall of 2005. I was sitting in a tree stand, near my home, that we had build beside a creek. This was a watershed area in the north-east corner of Richland County near Lake Wateree. With camera in hand I hoped to photograph the Ivory Billed Woodpecker. I had seen the pair a few weeks earlier in my backyard. The “yard” was a three acre area behind my home I had cleared of underbrush all the way to the creek line. It was what we called the park. Throughout the property I had blazed many trails that meandered through the woods of this 3,000 acre tract. The main trail started not far from the back deck and made its way down toward the swamp to what we called the island. I built a log bridge to the island, and there I had bench, covered over with some camo-net so one could sit and observe the wildlife that followed the creek. We had seen deer, turkey, Russian boar, Carolina cougar and bear. Birds of every kind for the area were usually hanging out too. Naturally the snakes, amphibians and turtles also hung out nearby. From the island I built a longer natural log bridge over the creek, and from there the trail followed the creek north to the upper forty acres. It was there, near the end of blazed trail the tree stand stood.
The Ivory Billed Woodpecker was so rare it was thought to be extinct. I remember seeing them when I was a kid in the Congaree Swamp (Congaree National Park now). I was a country boy back then and us boys would ride our bicycles with fishing pole tied to handlebars to the Congaree National Monument and fish the Bow Lake and creeks.
So one day I see this pair of woodpeckers checking out a hole high in a dead tree in the “park” behind my home. I took my binoculars out and could see clearly they were the rare Ivory Billed Woodpecker. I called the DNR and reported the sighting, and the guy on the phone, after I told him where I lived told me that was impossible, they don’t live that far from the swamp where they had been seen last. I insisted with him I had in fact seen these birds, and know what they looked like. He told me to take some pictures and send it to the DNR, hanging up the phone on me. Okay, no problem. I had seen these birds a couple more times after that but was not able to get good photos. They visited the hollow tree each time but never stayed long enough. But I did notice each time they flew in from the area where the tree stand was. So this is what brings me to why I was in the stand. But this is not what my story here is really about. It is about The Indestructible Spaz.
I was sitting in the tree stand one evening with my camera. I had sat here for many days before. I heard something running along the trail behind me. I thought it was probably a deer or hog from the sound on the leaves. I had walked this trail to the stand. As it got closer I could see it was a white dog, nose to the ground running quickly toward me. It ran straight up to the tree stand, looked up the ladder at me, wagging it tail and sat down at the base of the ladder. The dog was what looked like a pit bull, pure white, pink eyes and blue tongue. And it just sat there. I thought it would leave and go off trailing whatever it was looking for. But it just sat there. Then it laid down and the bottom of the tree, looking up at me every now and then. It was going to be dark soon and I kept thinking the dog would leave. But it did not. I actually begin to worry. Maybe it was waiting for me to come down so it could bite me, or rip me apart as I heard some of this breed does to people. I had my sidearm on me and when I could wait no longer I pulled it out of the holster and took the safety off. I hoped I would not have to shot the dog, but if it was me or him I would not hesitate. As soon as I started to climb down he jumped up and with excitement spun around in a spastic way then sat down, tail wagging the whole time. I had the weapon trained on his head as I reached the ground. He laid down and rolled over with his belly up. I reached down, rubbed his tummy a few times and suddenly he jumped up and flew off down the trail the way he came. I thought… do you mean you laid down here for all these hours waiting just so someone would rub your tummy? I guess he did.
I was a little leery walking down the trail back home. But the dog was not laying in wait to ambush me. When I got back to the house that dog was laying on the back deck against the door. He heard me and jumped up, dancing all about in a rather spastic way. Tail going 100 miles an hour acting like we where best friends. I petted him a bit, he did not seem at all aggressive or in any way like he would bite anyone. It was a hot day so I went inside and got a pan of water for him. He was happy to get it! I went inside, thinking he probably would go home soon. The next morning he was laying on the front porch. The kids decided to feed him. He loved kids and was eager to play ball and hung out with them all day. We decided to take a few photos of him and place some signs in the area hoping someone had missed him. After several weeks nobody came forward. I took him to the local vet to see if they might know who he belonged to. The Vet looked him over and said he had a chip in him and used some device to read it. He got the owner info and said he would notify him about his dog. We left him there. A couple days later the vet called me and said the man did not want his dog. The owner had told the vet he could put him down because the dog wouldn’t hunt. The vet told me that he would rather see the dog go to a good home instead of putting him to sleep if I wanted him. He seemed like a good dog so I went and picked him up. The vet told me that man had paid $12,000 for the dog! He was a pure breed that was made for coon hunting but after spending a sum on training he said the dog was to spastic and high strung and would not hunt raccoons. The man told the vet he had taken the dog to the country and put him out thinking the dog could live as a stray. He even said he thought about shooting him once he got him out in the country.
This dog was as high strung as anything I had ever seen. He would jump about three or four feet into the air, dance around in circles, run around here and there every time anyone would offer to play ball with him. The kids named him Spaz, short for spastic. Spaz was one of a kind. He was the boldest dang dog in history. He was tougher than a Mack truck too. Spaz could not seem to stay off the highway. He waited for the bus to bring the kids home everyday. He know the time when it would arrive. Spaz got hit by cars flying down the old country road in front of our house 5 times. Each time there was not a scratch on him. The vet told me he had never seen a dog so indestructible. Once my son and I were working out in front of the property and Spaz was across the road “hunting” in the field. He caught something and raced back toward the house. At the same time a car was coming by at 60 mph or so and hit Spaz. We both seen it happen. The dog was knocked into the air and sent flying out into the field. He just laid there. We figured he was surly dead… this time. We went behind the house to get a couple shovels so we could bury Spaz. While we were in the shed getting the tools I heard something behind me. It was Spaz, jumping all around like he normally does! We loaded him into the pick-up truck and drove him to the vet. One thing Spaz loved was riding in the truck. He would stand with his front feet on the side of the bed. His bull-dog lips flapping in the wind, he looked funny but you could tell he was in heaven. The vet examined him, took x-rays and determined the dog had no broken bones and only a little fur was knocked off where tail meets hip. It was hard to believe.
The following summer Spaz decided he liked to play with Rattle Snakes. One evening I could hear a Rattler, like on my back porch! It was not uncommon for snakes to be nearby. But usually the Rattle Snakes never came close to the house. In 15 years only one was to close for comfort. It was a 9 foot 8 inch Eastern Diamondback Rattle Snake coiled up under the trellis of the grape vines. I looked out the sliding glass door and Spaz had brought one about three foot long up on the deck. He had the snake in his mouth, and would put it down and lay near it. Every time the snake would try and slither off Spaz would pick it up and move it back on the porch. I tried to get the dog to come inside but he was not going to leave the snake and tried to bring it in the house with him. I finally had to get the dog by his collar and make him come inside. I caught the Rattler and carried it out across the creek and released it into the woods. That dog went fool when I let him back out later trying to find the snake.
Another time we were working in the garden. I heard a Rattler bust off just on the other side of the creek. I looked that way and sure as hell Spaz was over there. I went over and tried to get the dog away from the snake. Spaz was not having any part of leaving his buddy. He picked the snake up in his mouth and ran further into the woods. I followed him and he put the snake down. It was interesting watching the snake follow the dogs head as Spaz sniffed the snakes body. I know rattlers only bite as a last resort, because it takes a while for them to make venom. This (for the snake) could make the difference in getting a meal, so they normally don’t strike unless provoked. But this was that one day that Spaz must have bit down too hard. As I went to grab him by the collar he jumped down and grabbed the snake, so he could flee from me. The little snake bit him on the face. Spaz let go of the critter and took off yelping toward the house. When I got to him I could see the snake had popped him good, both fangs in his cheek. I took him to the vet and the vet did what he could. By the next day his head was swollen up the size of a rural mailbox. He was sick for a little over a week. But in the life of the indestructible Spaz he recovered. He never messed with another snake after that. At least as far as I know.
Once day Spaz disappeared. We never found him or any remains of him. But he will always be remembered as;
Spaz – The Indestructible Dog.
Rotating wildly swinging outwardly, I am what’s a black hole. (10w)
Photo Credit: European Space Agency, NASA and Felix Mirabel (the French Atomic Energy Commission & the Institute for Astronomy and Space Physics/Conicet of Argentina)
Gravity is what we think is the strongest force in the universe. We feel it everyday. It is what makes things fall down. It keeps us grounded on earth. We see gravity in the existence of black holes. There is one in our own galaxy. It pulls things into it with unmeasurable force. Even if we were to send a probe into a black hole we never would get any data back from it. Not even radio waves can escape its pull. Gravity has the second longest range in the universe. There is no escaping the forces of gravity in a black hole, unless you are centrifical force. Nothing can escape a black hole, not even light. But gravity is not the strongest force in the universe. Gravity is only the forth strongest. The reason why gravity in a black hole is so very strong is its size.
The strongest force in the universe, that we know of, is Strong Nuclear. We can assign the number 100 to it as comparison to the other three. This acts in an interaction between the nucleons and it is responsible for keeping the nucleus together. This interaction is mediated by so called gluons. Particles in this atomic nucleus are protons and neutrons. They are made up of quarks. However, this interaction is very short ranged because it operates inside of the atoms. It could be thought of as a closeness, like a couple. This is the reason I am in search of my quark. Because I am sure as long as we remain close we can never be broken apart. A strong nuclear bond in a relationship is why couples remain together for life. But even Strong Nuclear Force is ripped apart in a black hole.
The second strongest force in the universe is Electromagnetic. We can assign the number 1 to it in comparison to the other three. Because it is 100 times weaker than Strong Nuclear Force. Even a small magnet can overcome the gigantic gravitational force of the earth. Electromagnetic force is something that touches our lives in big ways everyday. Photons are seen with our eye as light. That cell phone, electricity, computers and lightning are only a few of electromagnetic forces. It has the longest range of the four strongest forces in the universe. Radio waves are being sent to and from probes millions of miles away from earth. Radio waves are electromagnetic. The screen you are reading this post on is also the same force. We often refer to the bond between a couple as magnetic. And opposites attract. It is this flow of positive and negative that creates the balance of electromagnetic force. But even if we were to take all the magnetic force in the entire universe and place it near a black hole it too would be sucked it.
The third strongest force in the universe is Weak Nuclear. It is like Strong Nuclear in it has a very short range. It is ten times weaker than Electromagnetic. Weak Nuclear is thought to made of Bosons. In particle physics weak nuclear is a very broad interpretation of all the other forces. The emptiness of space could be weak nuclear force. The Higgs boson is a Weak Nuclear force. Weak Nuclear is all the uncertainty of things we really do not know yet. Kind of like the things that keep a relationship together or maybe tear it apart. A lot of theory going on there.
It is interesting to know that we really do not know what gravity is or what makes it work. We just know it makes apples fall from trees. Albert Einstein states that gravity is not a force but as a consequence of the curvature of space-time caused by the uneven distribution of mass and energy. All can agree it is a natural phenomenon. It is thought that every object in the universe has gravity and that all pull on each other. It was once thought that nothing could move faster than the speed of light. Recently we found mass moving in the universe faster than this speed. It was always believed that mass could never obtain this speed. We thought the world was flat at one time too. We also thought the sun revolved around the earth. Once we thought that earth was the only planet in the universe that had life. There are even some people today that think the world revolves around them.
Science has an explanation or theory about the four strongest forces in the universe. Even the things that can not be seen or the unknown have some theory. But none even dare or try to explain or have theory on God. Some ignore the very existence of God. Saying if science cannot prove it or it has no mathematical equation it just does not exist. But many have theory about things that may exist in the universe. There are books that were written by people who write that God instructed them to write. Some believe it could be nothing more than hearsay. Others think it was written by someone who ate too many mushrooms or consumed excessive drink. The one written for the people of Israel, know as the Jews is titled The Old Testament. A majority of the people who thought of these theories of the universe also believe in this book. The very theory of Albert Einstein, called The Theory of Relativity that many base their own theories on, has its base on TIME. The first verse of the Old Testament says; In the beginning… this was Gods way of defining time. Without it science would have nothing to base theory on. Time plays a very important roll for human kind.
LOVE is rightfully the most powerful force in the universe but the least understood. Some think love comes from the heart. Other think love comes from the brain. While others define it as a feeling. Love has its foundation in every religious writings. In the case of the Old Testament God introduced it to humans, to angels to every being in creation. Even people who deny God, a god, a creator, the spirit or anything except self knows love. Even people who believe they know hate love themselves. Love is the one thing every human being, even animals know. But no one seems to really know what it is, where it comes from or what to do with it. Love is the most written about word on earth. To some it is only a word. Everyone seeks it. Love, in its truest form is pure. Unconditional and without fail. It is never ending. It is the GRAVITY that holds humanity together.
I had to go out of town for a few days. Sometimes the corporate needs an immediate resolution to a problem. It took longer than I had anticipated. But I am once again home. Home is where my heart is. There is nothing better, for me, then to cook in my own kitchen. Eat from my own table, and sleep in my own bed. For years I traveled. Some years I only saw my home for 20 days. And even though I am single and have nobody to come home to there is nothing better than home.
I never hated the road. But you only hate the road when you are missing home. I missed WordPress. Not being able to follow and read all the interesting things everyone posted once again puts me behind. Still I hope to catch-up and keep up to speed again today.
Moving forward. Being in a big city, in the downtown of activity I remembered something from my days on the road…
Citidiots / Noun / Urban dwellers or commuters who drive like idiots. {a combined form of city and idiots}
I wonder why people drive automobiles, SUV’s mostly, in a way that puts other people at risk. How someone causes accidents, running other drivers off the road, weaving in and out of traffic and generally using the car as a weapon. How can texting, reading a book, a newspaper, laptop or tablet on the steering wheel be more important than being completely focused on safe driving. Some people are idiots! I could go on with the other things people do while at the wheel. Nevertheless, that two and a half ton SUV is a weapon and when you kill or hurt someone because of your ignorance I hope you rot in prison.
Since I am on a roll here, yes I am ranting, let me write about commercials. Since I was locked in a hotel after business hours I watched TV. There were some very disturbing commercials, probably written by citidiots.
Now lets face it, these people who are in control of media dictate what you get to see. They use music founded in violence, beating women and killing cops, stealing grand mom’s life savings to buy drugs and promote a lifestyle that is focused on eroticizing your kids. Sex sells every product. Athletes who beat women down in public places (behind closed doors too), pedophiles, drunks and corporate criminals are made out to be some kind of heroes. There are so many TV shows and movies that say if you are not “this” you are nothing. How sad.
This is only a few of the STUPID commercials I saw on TV.
The media only wants us to see what they believe we need. I am glad I have a mind of my own to decide what I need, what I want, what I believe. Sure I have a sociological imprint. We all do. But I never let it eroticize me, dictate who I am or what I must buy to fit in. Choice. We all have to choose.
[this post was a draft about a year ago. it is a completely random mix of something past]
Thoughts from the vine in a web spun chaos of crafty imagination
I wish to thank all those people who came in my life to teach me that I needed to change. I wish to thank all those closed minded people who completely misunderstood my unique personality because you all unknowingly helped me to become more determined to maintain my uniqueness. I thank the people who misused me, the ones who gossiped about me, and the ones who back stabbed me because you all were my wake up call to a better version of me. I thank all those who broke my heart because they thought that I was a simple, stupid and vulnerable man. It was because of you all that I learned that there comes a time in life when you have to stop putting the reins of your heart into the hands of women who can intimidate you. I thank you all because you transformed me into a man who can stand tall and survive on his own terms without being victimized. Thank you all for giving me my wings. I feel like a butterfly out of a cocoon.
The laws of nature can never be broken. It is the human emotions, the human experience, that dictates what is broken.
Don’t look for perfections’ when you fall in love. Fall in love when you are ready to embrace flaws and imperfections. Fall in love when you are ready to be vulnerable. Fall in love when you are ready to sacrifice, when you are ready to share all your passions and dreams. Fall in love when you are ready to give your all. ~ Aarti Khurana
You may never find your way… But please do not deny me the chance to find mine.
Trust can never be obtained when one continues with lies.
The beast that lives inside of everyone must be shackled and chained. Let not hate be the beast that dwells outside.
Our goal is to swim in the sea of tranquility. Whenever we feel ourselves drowning in the sea of disparity… Perhaps the best way is to stand on each others shoulder’s not on each others toes.
Are you guilty of clicking on something without reading it? You know that terms of use or agreement you just scroll down to the bottom and click “I Accept” on websites or software? We are all guilty of the click, click, click syndrome, right? Did you know by law, international law that electronic agreement is binding and can be enforced? You may want to actually read every word of any electronic agreement before clicking I Accept. Here’s something I did once a long time ago just to see if anyone was really reading it.
I had a Microsoft user license for 1000 copies of the MS Games Action Pack. It had 15 games like Tetris, Cards, Tiles and Ski-free. In order to download and install the game pack a user had to agree to the MS terms of use and a per-user license agreement by the owner which was me. This download was a custom created software installation that would install the games in a folder for Windows 3.1, 95 and 98 automatically. All someone had to do was to download the MSI or EXE file, click it and agree to the terms of use which as we all know was a very long read. Once the user clicked on “I Agree” the software would be automatically installed and open up saying it was complete. There was nothing wrong with the file, no virus, or anything that harmed a PC or tracked the user. The person could play freely all the games with an unlimited use or time. What was different was in the user agreement, that by law was legal and binding. I did nothing wrong I only wanted to see if 1000 people would click and agree. Here is what I added in the middle of the software license agreement;
By clicking on I ACCEPT to this legally binding agreement according to the laws of California, Washington State, United States law where permitted and international law where applicable you agree to the following terms. If you do not agree do not install this software because by doing so you agree to these terms. If you do not agree you must delete all copies of this software from the computer hard disc drive, floppy disk or any other storage media. If you question this agreement you can send and e-mail to {suppressed} by clicking here and the subject line will be formatted for you. Type in your response and reason for not accepting this agreement in full or if you only accept some of the terms for use. You still must accept Microsoft Terms of Use by clicking here which is part of this download because MS is the owner of the software. A new terms of use file will open which supersedes this agreement. By continuing you agree to the following; 1.) You agree to give me use of your timeshare for one week next year for my sole and exclusive use. 2.) You agree to have your husband (if a married female) wash my car and cut my grass for a period of one week each year for 2 years. OR if a married male to have your wife live with me for two weeks every year (at your expense) for the next 2 years, not for the purpose of sex or favors but as a companion only. If wife has a problem with this agreement you agree to buy her $20,000 worth of jewelry over the next 5 years, to be available for her at all times to listen to anything she has to say and to give her back and shoulder rubs, foot massage or perform anything she desires at any time. If you as husband fail to do everything wife wants per this agreement you agree to pay me $100,000 of which I will personally buy wife $25,000 worth of jewelry and spend the remaining $75,000 on an attorney who will make your life a living hell until you do exactly as wife says. 3.) You agree to lend my your car for 30 days out of the year and to maintain car in good mechanical shape and provide gasoline. 4.) You agree to, I can at anytime over the next 5 years decide what I want to add to this agreement without further notice to you. I only need to notify you of what I want and you must agree.
Of the 999 people who downloaded and installed this software only one person did not agree. This is the e-mail sent to the mailbox in the link;
Subject: I DO NOT AGREE
Dear Wade,
My name is Julia (removed) and I really want to use this software. I live in the state of California and I am a married female. I did some checking and you’re right this agreement is binding in California. I need these games because my husband is never home and this would help me to pass the time. He is cheating on me but California is a no fault divorce state. I want to amend your agreement, with your permission please. Can I send you my husband for 6 months instead of two weeks for the next five years. Also, if you would be so kind, can you offer one more download for my husband, please. He never reads anything. On our recent anniversary I gave him a card. In it I wrote I know you are cheating on me with a woman from Armenia. I found her letters in your briefcase. I also hired a PI and have pictures of you two together. I also learned you are taking language lessons learning to speak Armenian. We need to talk. Love, Julia. He opened the letter and pretended to read it, because all he said was how sweet. Thanks for the thoughtful card. He got me nothing for that special day. He says he wants to also download this game but the website says all copies have been used and no other are available for download. He says he wants to play Tetris. Which I find funny because he could just buy it. Once he has installed the game pack I will print a copy of the terms for him to see. I really want the jewelry and to have him pay more attention to my wants and needs. Its possible he may send me to you, so I just want you to be ready for one of us to arrive soon. I am a very attractive and fit woman. But my husband has told me I am only a trophy wife. He is very wealthy and will most likely just throw money at this agreement. You could profit by amending item 4 for a large sum of money. We have several time shares. (she listed them here but I removed) We have (list of cars, removed) let me know which one and I’ll have it shipped to you. I will put a credit card in the glove box for gasoline and repairs. My husband and I are very stubborn. If we both choose to invoke our rights under this agreement would you please not let us be with you at the same time? This would be very much appreciated because I could not stand the thought of being with his lying cheating ass in the same place. You seem like a thoughtful and sweet man. Mostly because you gave a wife so much leverage when you made this agreement. Or you are a woman? Either way I look forward to hearing from you soon. Please reply. Best Regards, Julia (removed) (address removed) (phone number removed) (email removed)
Did you just click on my post or did you really read it?
Once you command your own sea you command everything.
What Good Is
What good is speech
When you are not heard
What good is hearing
When you can not listen
What good is thinking
When you have no thought
What good is seeing
When there is darkness
What good is feeling
When you feel nothing
What good is hope
When you are hopeless
What good is peace
When there is none
What good is life
When you can not live
What good is caring
When you can not care
What good is dreaming
When you have no dreams
What good is good
When you are not
What good is…
Good is the state of mind where you have absolute belief in yourself.
The most powerful things are buried deep inside us. The only way we can accept them is to let go.
Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. ~ Andre Gide
I spent five days in the hospital from last week until earlier this week. But this is not the point or focus of this post. I have to thank the EMT persons who went above and beyond.
We all perhaps can remember, when knowing someone’s telephone number was either in our mind or written near the home phone. Remember the little black book? At one time we did not have these cell/smart phones. I am sad to say I myself have allowed electronics to take away my ability to remember. I can not even recall my loved ones phone numbers. Anytime I need to convey or write it I have to refer to that glorious device. So yes, how sad for us all. Especially me.
Once again my point. After being taken via ambulance by EMT personnel to the hospital, going through admittance and getting into a room. It the fog of my condition, maybe even under the influence of whatever medication they forced into my veins, I asked for my phone. Seems it was not either with me or “lost” as told to me by a nurse. How could that be? I am usually sure to place it in my pocket.
So the entire time I was hospitalized, I had no way to let anyone know where I was. My kids, who are grown, I found later had called and texted me on fathers day. My daughter even came to my home on that day. She thought that I had to work. Doing some housework for me, leaving me a wonderful Fathers Day card on the table and departing home she had no clue where I was. For her, it was not unusual for me to be off to some destination.
When I finally was discharged, took a cab home, and looked for my phone, I could not locate it. But I did have another cell phone. Sad, once again, it did not have anyone’s number in it that I wanted to call or text. One person did call my home phone and leave a few voice messages. (OH MY!) So at least I was able to text the one. However, from the content of the left messages I saw no reason to share my whereabouts.
So I am thankful. The EMT whom transported me to the hospital, at the end of their shift, found my phone. Now after a day of doing what they do best they had no idea of who’s phone this was. The lady, tried to look, and being my phone was locked could not find a way to call someone to say I have this phone. She went above and beyond and took it to a Verizon store (my carrier) and turned it in. It took some doing but the employee at the store, found it was mine and mailed it back to me. THANKS! So today I got my phone back.
In a past blog post I wrote about the way we now store passwords and other virtual information today. I once again have learned a new lesson. Write the phone numbers down for the people you may need to call. You never know when you may not have that cell phone.
If only you could see in my mind.
Percieve the world through my eyes.
See the vision I see.
In my minds eye.
Gander if only a wrinkle.
Then you shall dream.
In my dreams.
Truth or dare.
I have much to share.
Onward through the fog.
Mountain far below.
Fearfulness in memory.
Valley coming slow.
Goodness quenched by fire.
Ice captures pain.
My mind clear of thought.
My poem gets a name.
A single flower bloomed.
For it I get love.
By it mirrors are seen.
For its from above.
Today I Was Reborn As My True Self
Ending living a false life, false dreams, broken hopes, and false gifts. Re-thinking what is my everything, my desires, my dreams and my reality.
Impossible was once a whisper, taken from the depths of hope, revealed in the sounds of suffering from a past soon forgotten. What good is it for one to attempt to achieve the things sought by only a single soul wrapped around a broken heart… when success is a word falling at once and always deafened memories? Why would anyone want to ruin something so special with something so trivial is the question I ask?
I was planning on wandering up and down the landscape, bugging people to see if they had mind-blowing dangerous quest for me to undertake. Each day allows me to explore the wonderment of the world around me. Every tri-angle has its thorns. From the convoluted fabric of tangled yarn, my life evolves. Not for glory or fame… I seek peace. For a single year filled with happiness, peaceful days, romantic nights, and shared experience I will give everything, I did, once, give everything.
Everyone has some baggage. It is simply a matter of having someone to carry it with you. Yet this thought floats away in the tide of the chaotic sea. Tracing the rainbow through the rain I discovered the pot was never filled with gold at the end. The leprechaun rejoices in magic where the troll laughs in thievery. The dreams of together burnt into less than ash from a single secret letter. Once trust is destroyed, one has the responsibility to right what harm was wrong… or drive the wedge further into my heart.
What is a legacy when the league is less than extraordinary? From a class of pillars we arise into the light. Yet the sun will set and we shall find our self in total darkness if it were not for our own beacon. And hope is but a Meer whisper in this loudness called calm. For once we become silent, because nobody listens, we have muted the chance of expression. From the depth of long-suffering, many moons have risen and hundreds of Suns have set for this goal that became emptiness. What was once a spark that fueled a flame of passionate and wonderful glory, becomes a cinder of helpless lost. Losing oneself in a futile attempt to capture everything, I am more of an option than a meaningful partner. Once and for all time I free myself from hurtful, purposeful and games of the mind. Loving myself is of higher importance than getting love that can never be real.
I stretched my patience far beyond what would be normal. I have been more forgiving than any man alive. I can say and truly believe without reservation not another man on earth could have taken so much abuse and still had as much love in my heart as myself, for one.
Nevertheless, I simply can not take it any longer. Nothing works. I tried… I mean I put my heart and soul into it. Virtually I am destroyed. And I am surly not the same man I once was. Broken, as if that is right for someone to do this to another human being. Gosh, ripping a mans heart out, throwing it onto the dirt and stomping it… over and over… this must have given someone such power!
Great creation can only follow great destruction. We all progress more quickly when chaos reigns. It is through chaos and conflict that we make our biggest steps. Do not let your eyes see or your ears hear that which you cannot account for.
Ivo de Taillebois
If you could hear me, there are things I could tell you:
like my dreams, I was a branch and you were a bird
and you built your nest and I gave you a home, and
I was the bird and you were the worm and you wiggled
beneath my lips and you nourished my body, and
I became the worm and you were the dirt and
I gave you warmth and guidance and quenched
your thirst and then I was the dirt and you were
a child and you shaped me into pies squished
between your chubby fingers and I rested on
your cheeks until I became the child and you became
my pet and we danced in the rain and chased after
the birds and you snuggled up to me next to a fire
and we slept, and I became the pet and you were
my owner and you fed me and gave me affection
because I was loyal and then I became the owner
and you became my love and we found ourselves
in between clean sheets, damp with sweat and
stripped naked and satisfied and the sun began
to peak through our blinds and you became
the sun and I turned into the moon and we’ll
be immortalized day and night and you’ll fall
in love with me every moment and I didn’t want
to find myself in reality again, but when I woke
I realized you were still there, kept in my heart
and for now, that’s all I need until I want more
and more comes with the future and the future
will be our adventure—if you were listening,
I would tell you all this so you could understand
that I’m waiting: you’re my bird and I’m your branch.
Poetry and Prose by Gabriela Marie Milton #1 Amazon Bestselling Poet & Editor, Award Winning Author, Pushcart Prize Nominee
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