I recently read a blog about female narcissist. I wish I could remember who wrote it so I could link and give credit. I never knew a women could be one. I thought that only men were the ones with this disorder. I believe I am a very smart person. Still I have to admit I just never knew a woman could be a narcissist. I have read many blogs, written by women, who write about the narcissist husband or boyfriend. Perhaps this is why I never gave any thought on what defines one. After reading the blog about narcissism females, all the signs, everything they do, I decided to research this further. I was surprised to learn that narcissistic personality disorder is not gender specific. That actually shocked me when I put two and two together to discover I was in a long term relationship with one. First and foremost I do not intend on going into details. I believe a relationship is private between two people, no matter how horrible it was for me.
This lead me to remember some things from the past. I recall a friend. My friend was a very attractive woman. We were buddies and knew each other since kindergarten. One day she was telling me about maybe she had an asshole magnet in her pocket. I looked and there was no such device. She went on to say every guy she dated or was interested in turned out to be an asshole. I told her maybe it has a lot to do with where she is finding these men. She went to bars and drank alcohol. This was the source of her dating and I am not saying just because people go to bars and drink makes them bad. I was only telling her maybe to try looking for guys who go to other places may yield a better choice.
Seems I too may be looking in the wrong place. I do not go to bars and drinking is a very, very rare thing for me. I looked in my pocket and there is not a device that attracts narcissistic females. Though I think I may have attracted a couple.
Back in the collage days, I was one of the lucky few who had a job that paid more then 5 times the minimum wage. I lived in a upper class one bedroom apartment. I attended 3 classes before work, worked 8 hours M-F and sometimes a half day on Saturday. I had enough money to live a comfortable lifestyle. I even partied a little back then. I had a friend who lived in the same complex. We met one day when she was having some car trouble. We went to the same university so I gave her a ride that day. On the way to school I gave her a key to one of my other cars so she could make it to work that night. I did repair her car that week-end, and we hung out a good bit after that.
One day the management company left a letter in all our boxes. They were raising the rent from $95 a month to $125. Now that did not bother me financially, but for a collage girl working a part time job at minimum wage that was tough. That week-end my friend and I were hanging out at the pool, with our apartment manager. He was a pretty cool old guy. She was telling him about how she may have to move because she could not get more hours at work, to pay the rent increase. He started telling her that he did have a two bedroom that was opening at the end of the month. The rent was $145 and if she could find a roommate he would transfer her lease. She asked me, hey what about you, you want to be roommates? Now, I had already met my lease and was on a month to month bases. I thought about it few seconds, she did keep a clean place, didn’t drink beer and was an accounting major. I could add an additional $300 a year to my savings account, and she was a girl. Sounds good to me. I told her. So next month we were roomies.
That was perhaps my first experience at being controlled. Not in a really bad way, but financially. It did not take very long before she said I had too many cars, to much credit debt, too much money in savings and not enough invested in stocks and other risk. Lets not forget my roommate was an accounting major! I learned it was easier to live with her if I just listened. One thing I believe I learned early on, you can never read a woman’s mind. She is always right. And she is ready when she says she is ready. I was into a lot of things. I built race cars and engines. Raced moto-cross and had a sponsorship. Toured in the martial arts circuit, played tennis and competed in a few world cups. I was an amateur radio operator (HAM) and was in the cutting edge of technology. One day a fellow HAM who worked for IBM gave me a computer. He was telling me this was the state of the art machine. And one day everyone, every business will use computers… they will change the world!
Now mind you, I was still waiting for that Dick Tracy watch to come out. At that time PONG was the video game and cell phones where the size of a brick, more of a radio than a phone. What my friend wanted me to do with this computer was to figure out how we could send Morse code by typing it out on the keyboard. We had read about how some HAM’s where experimenting with this. So this is how I got started in computing.
One thing about these first computers was it took five 5 1/2 floppy disk to boot them. You turned the machine on, inserted disk one, waited for a while and it said on the black and white screen insert boot disk two. You went through this process until all five disk were loaded and like magic a blinking curser came up on the screen as C:\_ If you wanted to save something you had to insert a blank 5 1/2 disk that held a whopping 1.2MB and save. There was a gigantic 512KB processor, 8MB of memory and no hard disk drive. By todays standards your washer has more computing power. A couple months later I learned I could buy what was known as a HARD DISK DRIVE that plugged into the serial port on the computer. It would allow me to turn on the drive, turn on the computer and it would boot up without using all those floppy disk. It held a tremendous 10 MB ! and cost $1000.
I could afford that. So I bought one.
Now roommate liked the computer. She was learning how to write stuff with it. She started taking a COBOL class and was experimenting with some accounting stuff. We halved the bills and each did their part in the apartment. There was no romantic involvement with us, we had a good friendship… until I came home one Saturday with that damn $1000 Hard Drive. She hit the roof! Threw a can of soup at me. Kicked a few things around the apartment called me every foul word I never knew existed in her sweet vocabulary. She was all of five feet six inches and weighed in at most 120 lbs. wet. But in those minutes she was larger then the Hulk. She told me I was to take that thing back and get a refund. There is no way you are going to spend that much money. I looked at my hand… Nope, no wedding ring. Looked at hers, nope, no wedding ring. I told her no way. Its my money I can spend it on whatever I want. Okay she said you will regret that. For the next few months she made good on her word. Silent treatment. Leaving stuff laying all over the place. Ignoring me when I talked with her. Eye rolling, the works.
One day my friend came by. He asked me if I would be interested in selling the hard drive. I told him I don’t know, I had all the boot disk on it and a few programs I was working on to get the keyboard to talk with the radio. He said I’ll give you $1,250 for it if you let me have all the data on it too. I could not turn that down, and I could buy an 84MB hard disk drive for that price. Sure, so I sold it to him. Roommate and I were “married” again after he left, when she saw him carry out the drive and the check in my hand for $1,250. All of the sudden we were best friends again as if nothing had ever happened. Funny right?
Moral of the story; I Found The Rules
1.The female always makes the rules.
2.The rules are always subject to change at any time without prior notice.
3.No male can possibly know all the rules.
4.If the female suspects the male knows all the rules she must immediately change all or some of the rules.
5.The female is never wrong.
6.If the female is wrong it is due to misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did.
7.If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize.
8.The female may change her mind at any time.
9.The male must never change his mind.
10.The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11.The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12.The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13.The male is expected to mind read at all times.
14.The male who doesn’t abide by the rules, can’t take the heat, lacks backbone and is a wimp.
15.Any attempts to document the rules could result in bodily harm.
16.If the female has PMS all the rules are null and void.
17.The female is ready when she is ready.
18.The male must be ready at all times.
Need I say I never bought that 84MB Hard Drive? Also, my roommate was never anything like the one for certain narcissistic girlfriend. And the other friend I am sure was looking for love in the wrong place. I like peace. I like conversation. I avoid chaos. Maybe that is some of the reasons why I put up with that narcissist. I think it may be harder for a guy to see a female who is narcissist. I believe men are more prone to violent behavior. And I can say
I was never hit or was violence even an issue. But violence is only one of the things this disorder exhibits. Emotional, mental and blame-game abuse are just as hurtful. Still I know my heart is not broken. It is only inaccessible to that person.
Some Pictures of old software.